


A curious thing (What was it?)

by TheTwins



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Crush, Confessions, Everyone else cameos, Fluff, Freeform, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oneshot, Only slight angst, Seongjoong-centric, Super Mild, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, What more can I say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25028005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTwins/pseuds/TheTwins
Summary: Alternative title: Are stuffed animals a love language?For the past few weeks, Seonghwa has been feeling something -what was it? A curious something -couldn’t quite pin it down. He supposed it had more to do with his friends whispering and giggling behind his back like the kids that they were -definitely more to do with that than with Hongjoong, his friend (crush?) who seemed to have an insatiable want for stuffed animals recently. Quite the curious thing really, and if Seonghwa had tried just a little bit harder to put it into words, he might have found that it was on his tongue already. (But he didn’t.) And so it continued.(AKA in which Hongjoong is awkward and professes his love through stuffed animals while Seonghwa is an idiot who’s actually really bad at handling his feelings).Such is high school.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	A curious thing (What was it?)

**Author's Note:**

> I've revived this account back from the dead (literally it's been like three years), just because we both got way too into ATEEZ recently and I read a fic that made me cry. So, here I am, trying to do Seongjoong justice. Beta'ed super quick by Castor. Hope y'all enjoy~
> 
> -Pollux

(“Yunho, what the fuck. What’s going on?”

“Shh, don’t rush me. Now that you’re all here, let’s start from the beginning.”)

* * * * *

  
  


The first time it happened, Seonghwa thought nothing of it. If anything, he was quite happy that Hongjoong was finally more comfortable around him.

All eight of them were walking the streets of downtown on summer break. Jongho had just finished his first year while Seonghwa and Hongjoong were both facing their last. Seonghwa wasn’t watching where he was going -head full of thoughts about the impending year of tests- and yelped as his foot missed a step, his hands suddenly grabbing the air for purchase.

“Fuck,” he bit out as his hands seemed to slap their way across someone’s face.

A laugh came from behind him as a pair of hands wrapped around his middle, steadying him.

Seonghwa groaned, not bothering to turn to look at San and Wooyoung laughing their little goblin heads off behind him. Instead, his eyes caught Hongjoong’s -close enough to count his long eyelashes-, and just as quickly the blossoming pink on his right cheek. 

_Fuck._

Now why did he just have to slap Hongjoong of all people?

Just a few months ago, he’d been on eggshells around the boy. Once, he accidentally blocked him in a basketball game for P.E. and got the silent treatment for a week. When he first asked if the other wanted to be friends, Hongjoong had simply looked him up and down pointedly, raised one eyebrow, and asked what the class rep was doing in the stairway instead of back in class.

(“These hyungs, man,” Jongho whispered, a hint of exasperation in his sigh. “So what happened?”

“We left them alone.” Wooyoung smirked. “Just listen.”)

But before he could even form an apology, Hongjoong simply laughed for the first time around Seonghwa -it sounded like chimes, trailing like a teasing breeze. The sun was harsh, but even then, Seonghwa could swear his eyes twinkled. It was a curious thing. It wasn’t fair. Seonghwa swallowed, a feeling on his tongue that he couldn’t describe.

“Buy me ice cream?” 

Seonghwa was already nodding.

* * * * *

(“So by then they were already good?” Mingi himself didn’t remember much changing.

San laughed, arm slung around Wooyoung. “Were you even paying attention?”)

In the ice cream store, Seonghwa was busy ordering (for Hongjoong), leaving no one to shush the others.

“I want mint choco hyung-”

“No me! Strawberry-”

“Choco-”

“Hyung-”

“Strawberry-”

Seonghwa bit his lip and turned to his side, ignoring the sounds of protest in the background. He made a mental note to thank Yunho for shushing them. A baby cried out, or maybe Wooyoung had bit Yunho. Who knew. “What do you want?”

Hongjoong stretched out lazily -like a cat, Seonghwa thought, the way his eyes narrowed, roaming across the colorful menu. His newly dyed hair flopped over his eyes, framing a spark of golden brown-

His finger lightly tapped on a picture.

“This one.”

Seonghwa’s eyes followed.

“Sweeter than a summer’s kis-” Seonghwa recoiled involuntarily, snapping his eyes back up to meet the teasing glint peering at him through platinum blonde bangs. He couldn’t help the frown he felt tugging at the corners of his mouth. Did Hongjoong just want to make fun of him?

“You promised.” Hongjoong looked completely undisturbed, the only thing betraying him an impish grin that didn’t leave even as Seonghwa stood, sending one last defeated glare at the seated man.

Seonghwa supposed their relationship really hadn’t changed much.

He rolled his eyes as he went to order with the sounds of laughter sneaking back into the background. But he still stared disdainfully at the innocent banana split with its strawberry and mango seemingly winking at him, teasing. A summer’s kiss-

* * * * *

(“That wasn’t much though.” Jongho interrupted.

Yunho chuckled from where he sat, patting the youngest on the head. “Yeah, except it was more like the start.”)

The second time was San’s idea. 

“Guys! You won’t believe what I saw!” A long-time lover of stuffed animals, he’d burst into Yunho’s room where Seonghwa and Hongjoong were sprawled out on the carpet, poured over textbooks -preoccupied with bickering over who solved the problem correctly. Before Seonghwa could even utter a disgusted “Shoes off-” he was being pulled out of the house with Hongjoong in tow.

(“They just left you there?” This time Wooyoung looked at Yunho curiously.

“Well,” Yunho laughed, his grin a bit more sheepish. “Maybe I should’ve gone for San’s sake.”)

“So…” Hongjoong raised an eyebrow from where the three of them stood in front of a hot sauce store, panting from weaving in between people on the busy street, blinking twice as if to confirm the reason why San would want to drag them there. “We’re here for-” 

“Hot sauce?” Seonghwa looked at San gently, unsure if the bore of freedom had finally made him insane.

The younger boy shook his head, eyes curving into crescents and dimples showing as he laughed. ‘No hyung,” He tilted his head toward the store, insisting. “Look.”

Scanning the rows of hot sauce containers colored various shades of bright pepper reds and greens, Seonghwa turned to Hongjoong instead, ready to give up on his poor delusioned child. But from where he stood, Hongjoong’s eyes seemed to light up, widening slightly as he seemed to see something that Seonghwa had missed. A small smile danced on his lips and Seonghwa briefly wondered if he might turn and-

Instead, Hongjoong reached out and pushed both San and Seonghwa into the shop, a soft brush that left Seonghwa’s back feeling warm. Maybe there was some spice in the air.

“Oh.” From here, the poster that Hongjoong had seen was finally clear to Seonghwa.

“If you can take the spice,” Hongjoong read out, voice startlingly close to Seonghwa’s side, “You can win a long bunny!” Seonghwa’s breath hitched, stuck somewhere in his traitor of a throat, and he instead squinted at the board. The bunny was quite cute, all white with mischievous eyes, standing at a promised 3 feet tall. It seemed familiar, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Why did it remind him of someone?

“Isn’t it cute?” San tugged at both their sleeves, eyes big and pleading. “I want it~”

Reaching out to ruffle San’s hair, Seonghwa stepped closer to the counter, humming fondly. “Me too. Let’s try it out then.”

By virtue of Hongjoong not being able to handle a lot of spice, both San and Seonghwa challenged the game.

(“Oh,” Jongho laughed. “I can see why Yunho should’ve gone.”)

Four minutes and eight out of the ten spices in, San was straight up crying. His ears flushed red and tears streamed down his cheeks despite Hongjoong’s desperate attempts to wipe them away while at the same time passing him another cup of milk. 

Now, Seonghwa would have grumbled about his own lack of milk but he couldn’t really afford to think.

Everything was a little blurry and Seonghwa wasn’t too sure if he could breathe fire but it really felt like every breath he was taking burned down his throat and every exhale tingled painfully on his swollen lips. Blinking away a tear, he grabbed the next hot chip and forced it in his mouth, bemoaning the fact that they had left Yunho. One bite after another. He grimaced, not sure if he was even breathing properly. And yet, he bit his lip -tingling- and swallowed.

One more.

He breathed out, hot.

Why was he doing this again? He spoiled San way too much.

As he quickly popped the last one into his mouth, Seonghwa stiffened, a harsh wave of heat burning up his face. 

A hand found its way into his, giving a little squeeze.

Seonghwa stared down. Fully expecting San, he froze. Those were not San’s hands wrapped around his right now. Instead of small and soft, they were slender and a little bit rough. He counted two rings and one tattoo. He looked up slowly. Tense. Met with a soft smile and an encouraging pat. San was nowhere to be seen.

(“And then what happened?” Jongho urged, eyes fixed on San. He sat up straight now.

Yunho smiled.

Mingi laughed. “Wasn’t San in the bathroom dying?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” said boy grinned sheepishly, “I _was_ going, but I wanted to see if Seonghwa was going to win.”)

“Did you really want the bunny that much?” Hongjoong mused, thumb gently rubbing circles on the back of Seonghwa’s hand. He didn’t look up. And Seonghwa stopped chewing, not feeling anything anymore. The heat on his tongue suddenly disappeared, or maybe it just paled in comparison to the heat prickling his face. (What was it?)

“Stuffed animals are a love language,” He muttered.

It sounded like nonsense to him and probably Hongjoong too, but the latter simply chuckled, still holding onto Seonghwa’s hands.

Maybe Hongjoong wasn’t just mean to him all the time.

His laugh was soft and teasing, sneaking its way up to Seonghwa’s ears like a breath of cool air. Stubbornly, he returned to chewing, willing the hot sauce chip into tiny pieces. He was sure that his jaw might just fall to the floor otherwise.

(“And then?”

“Nothing,” San shrugged, laughing as Jongho gaped at him. He fell back into Wooyoung’s side. “They honestly just sat like that for another minute so I left.”)

By the time San reappeared, Seonghwa had the plush bunny in his arms waiting for him. On the side, Hongjoong was normal again, cackling while fanning Seonghwa with his hands and occasionally wacking his shoulder -such a bully, but his eyes seemed fixed on the bunny with an expression on his face that Seonghwa had never seen. 

Maybe Hongjoong liked stuffed animals too?

It was curious-

(“Wait.” This time it was Mingi who interrupted. “So does Hongjoong actually like plushies?”

Wooyoung shot him a look. “No, you idiot.”

The room burst into quiet giggles as Mingi scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. “Wait, but I definitely saw that bunny in Hongjoong’s room once.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Yeosang spoke up for the first time.

“Maybe just half right.”)

* * * * *

The third time, Seonghwa was beginning to wonder too. Did Hongjoong actually like stuffed animals too? Something curious-

All eight of them had decided to take a spontaneous trip to the nearest shopping mall because-

“Oh my god,” Yunho whined, “I can’t believe I already wore out my old shoes.”

And-

“I need black jeans for a sexy cat costume,” declared Wooyoung, pushing back his long black hair. He earned himself a light slap from San in return for his suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

And they all acquiesced, because even if it was a solid four or five months until Halloween, it was summer so what did it hurt to go?

Within five minutes, Wooyoung had dragged San and Yeosang off to the fitting rooms with claims of how good his butt was going to look, and Yunho had left with Mingi and Jongho to explore the new games store, which left Hongjoong and Seonghwa to wander around the mall. 

Maybe it hurt a little to go shopping.

See, Seonghwa loved their group of eight, but him and Hongjoong were a little different. A little awkward. In their whole school, Hongjoong was a top art student and also one of the few openly gay students. Seonghwa had always heard of him and admired how true to himself he seemed -but once he saw him, it was quite a curious thing. (What was it?)

Seonghwa was your normal straight-A class rep with a slightly odd penchant for cleaning duty. (He hated messy things.)

The first time they met in freshman year, Seonghwa was mopping the hallways and ran into the most beautiful boy he had ever seen turning the corner. With a dramatic clash and the sounds of the mop falling and paints splashing, he could only watch on with horror as the two simultaneously realized that the painting in Hongjoong’s hands was ruined.

So started the futile befriending process that he’d fucked up even before he began. It hurt a lot. (But why?) 

It became a cat and mouse game. (What a mess).

Seonghwa knew it was as clear as day -to his friends who made eyes at him and to the boy he was chasing- that Seonghwa had a crush on Hongjoong.

And Seonghwa knew it was as clear as day that Hongjoong did not want him -if anything, reminding him of the fact seemed fun to him. A constant push and pull that Hongjoong controlled, teasing, knowing full well Seonghwa was wrapped around his little pinky.

So they slowly settled for friends. Awkwardly.

But it was okay. It was. Seonghwa liked seeing new sides to Hongjoong as he softened up into friends. As much as he’d seen Hongjoong snap at him and push him away, he’d also seen him fondly ruffle Yunho’s hair and help drag Yeosang through his history paper. As much as it seemed like he loved to torment Seonghwa, sometimes -just sometimes, it didn’t hurt too much. Seonghwa pushed it away. Somewhere deep down.

Like how they wandered the mall and Hongjoong pulled him this way and that, bright eyes darting all over to find clothing that suited paint. Apparently Hongjoong painted his own jackets and sneakers. Could he get any cooler? These darn art students.

How cool would it be to wear sneakers painted by Hongjoong?

Before Seonghwa could even banish the thought, he was being pulled again. To-

A plushies store?

The question on the tip of his tongue died as Hongjoong raised a curious eyebrow, still tugging on Seonghwa’s sleeve. His platinum hair was messy and a cross earring dangling dangerously from his left ear. Today, Hongjoong was as fashionable as ever, a jean jacket that only now did Seonghwa understand was painted on the back with a cupid’s heart and pirate’s anchor. His chest squeezed. (What was it?)

“Do you like stuffed animals?” Hongjoong asked, lips quirked up teasingly as if there was anyone left in their group that didn’t know how much Seonghwa liked plushies -not as much as San but still, enough.

Seonghwa nodded mutely. He waited for some quip about being childish. None came. Hongjoong watched him almost curiously -Seonghwa’s heart racing at the way Hongjoong smiled wider, managing to choke out a “Do you?”

“Hmm.” Hongjoong didn’t blink, eyes still searching Seonghwa’s face. For what? Seonghwa could barely hear him over the sound of his own heart pounding. Then came a wicked grin like he found the answer. 

“Yep.”

Then he pulled him inside. 

It was torture-

In the store, Hongjoong bombarded Seonghwa with question after question as they moved through the aisles, making him wonder if this was his true intent -to talk his head off.

“Do you like this one?” A fluffy dog was shoved in his face.

“Eh-”

Seonghwa busied himself picking up other animals. There was a shiba -how familiar.

“What about this one?” A black cat.

“Yeah?”

Seonghwa liked cats -their plushies were cute. He put the shiba down and started squeezing the bunnies.

Another cat was shoved in his face. He blinked, halting in his steps. Their hands brushed. Just barely. So softly.

This one was cuter, soft and a nice silver white color. Taking it in carefully his hands, it seemed like the perfect size to hold to his chest. Its wide eyes with red and golden flakes stared up at him innocently. Again, it seemed similar. But to what? (Or who?)

“Yeah.” His voice came out softer than he’d intended. “Yeah, I like this one.”

“Hm.” Hongjoong tossed it back, seemingly disinterested.

And yet as they moved on, it seemed like Hongjoong would burn a hole into the poor cat, staring at it in the same indiscernible way as before. Seonghwa wondered if he wanted it. But again, he could barely hear anything over the sound of the pounding in his chest. And as he tore himself away, feeling full well the heat rising to his ears, he caught a shift in Hongjoong’s eyes. Or maybe it was a reflection bouncing off his other piercings.

It was hard to tell and Seonghwa blamed the summer heat.

It was curious.

It was torture.

* * * * *

(“I’ve seen that one in his room too!” Mingi frowned at no one in particular. “He got it like last week!”

Yunho patted him on the back softly. “I know.”

Yeosang finally grinned, continuing the story.

“That’s the fun part.”)

The last time, it was their last day of summer break.

Slowly, Seonghwa had gotten used to Hongjoong. He’d learn how to deal with his weird mood swings. Angry. Unreasonable. Infectiously happy. Curious. Teasing. He’d learned to laugh and quip back. And he told himself it wasn’t hard.

“We’ll get the ice cream,” San and Wooyoung chorused on their way out of the door after having dropped their bags somewhere in the house, not bothering to look back with a few suspicious snickers shared between them. Sometimes, Seonghwa wondered how he could have raised such little imps.

From where he was pulling out board games to organize on the living room carpet, he paid little attention to the rest of them bickering behind him. Secret Hitler would be good. He placed it on top of Monopoly in a neat stack.

“We’re -uh.” A whack.

Maybe he should stop turning a blind eye to their violence. They would need to play Secret Hitler before anyone lost any more brain cells. Catan was probably out of the running for this sleepover -someone might actually die.

Yunho’s voice replaced Mingi’s. “ _We_ are going to get the pizza and chicken. Yeosang and Jongho, can you guys come with?”

Maybe Secret Hitler was too hard though-

A yelp came from upstairs, followed by a loud thud. Seonghwa whipped his head back so fast his neck hurt. All thoughts of board games gone. “Hongjoong?”

Instead, he was met with the _swoosh_ of Yunho walking past him, a supportive pat on his shoulder, and a weird look from Yeosang who was coming down the stairs.

“But why-” Mingi was already grumbling, pulled by the hand out the door. “Why do we _all_ need to go?”

“That’s right hyung, why-”

Seonghwa looked on in shock as Yeosang _pushed_ their youngest out the door with a wink.

 _What was going on_?

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong’s voice drifted down to the first floor softly. Seongwha paused. His hand still holding onto a deck of cards. He wasn’t even sure if he heard him right until the soft question came again. 

“Seonghwa?”

Seonghwa blinked. It wasn’t like Hongjoong. Hongjoong was loud and sharp. Or at the very least, a little snarky or teasing. The air was hot and stuffy. 

He swallowed, something thick in his mouth he couldn’t quite taste.

“Y-yeah?”

_What was going on?_

“Come up here?”

Again, soft. Not really much of a request but it was soft. 

He rolled his eyes. Hongjoong was being weird yet again.

_Was the world ending?_

Halfheartedly muttering some nonsense about how Hongjoong never says please, Seonghwa got up anyway from the board games on the carpet, not even bothering to pick the deck of cards up from where he just left them on the floor. Messy. But Seonghwa barely noticed. Much more noticeable was the hot flush of his face that he tried to physically shake off. 

He’d been in Hongjoong’s room before, back when they had been studying for finals during junior year. It had been messy. Art supplies and books were strewn everywhere-

He remembered how Hongjoong’s hair had been dyed a deep red then, making his lips quiver. How he wanted to close the books and throw him on the bed, red on white-

Instead, Seonghwa missed a step on the stairs and fell, knee making hard contact with the edge of a step and elbow harshly planted into the carpet.

“Shit! Ow-”

_What was he doing?_

The reality of it all hit him in the face along with the pain.

He could almost laugh at himself.

They were barely even friends.

(What was it?)

“You okay there?” 

Hongjoong’s head peeked out from the doorway to his room, and the heat returned to Seonghwa’s face as he hastily stood up, stumbling to brush off his jeans -there was a rip on the right knee and Seonghwa bit his cheek, wanting to curse.

_What was he doing?_

Hongjoong’s eyes were big and they curved just a little, glinting the same way his earring studs shined, and Seonghwa briefly registered that there was an additional piercing on his cartilage. Weird Hongjoong was always the hardest to deal with.

Hadn’t it been long enough? It was messy. He was clumsy. He pushed it away. This time was no exception.

“Seonghwa-” Hongjoong’s voice was soft. Seonghwa felt lightheaded.

He pushed it away, along with the little lump of something in his chest. 

“Yeah?” It came out a little rough. 

Hongjoong’s soft smile faltered. Just briefly. His hand fell to his side -as if it had been outstretched. 

Seonghwa frowned, hands suddenly feeling empty. 

It was hot and stuffy. 

It was curious, and it was torture. 

And it had been for a long time coming-

He shifted his weight uncomfortably as the floorboards creaked ever so slightly -as if in warning. 

Silently, he followed Hongjoong in.

* * * * *

(“And then?” 

“Patience, kid. Remember none of us were supposed to be there.”)

It was clean.

That was the first thing Seonghwa realized, two steps into Hongjoong’s room and having not stepped on anything except for plain carpet yet. Not the cleanest by any means, but the books were stacked, his clothes were out of sight -and was that a file organizer on his desk? Wait. He could finally see Hongjoong’s desk -normally covered in piles of whatever the art major was drafting at the moment.

Seonghwa squinted, eyes narrowing as if the reality in front of him was an illusion, daring the books to move.

“You,” He wasn’t sure where to begin, a little wary. “You cleaned?”

A clear laugh came from behind him, light as bells. “Is that such a surprise?”

“I had to clean for my favorite guest after all-” Hongjoong teased, but there was not much to it. Seonghwa could swear his voice shook just a little, in the way that the cold makes one involuntarily shiver with breaths becoming shaky wisps in the air.

His eyebrows raised, a disbelieving smirk playing with his lips as he turned to face the shorter boy- “ _I’m_ your favorite guest?” He could count on one hand the number of times Hongjoong even complimented him. Today was really full of surprises. A little belatedly, he remembered in the back of his mind that Hongjoong had been suspiciously nice to him -actually, for a while now if he put any thought into it.

There was something curious. (What was it?) Something curious in the way all the kids had scrambled to leave -and maybe something curious going on in front of him. (What was it?)

“Alright-” He took a step forward, rolling his eyes. “I’ll play along with you. What did you want from me?”

But Hongjoong didn’t say anything. Probably waiting for the right moment to add some punchline. If Seonghwa didn’t know better, he might say that for once Hongjoong wasn’t sure what to say. He only gestured to the left and Seonghwa followed his hand, eyes landing on the bed.

“What?” He breathed out, heavy -his eyes narrowed, the heat rushing back up. It was torture. “I swear, Hongjoong, if this is some kind of joke-”

“No, no-” Hongjoong was quick to grab Seonghwa’s hands as if that would make him calm down -it felt like being shocked instead, and Seonghwa’s eyes widened as he stared at him. “Look,” Hongjoong tugged him toward the bed as Seonghwa screamed internally.

_Why was he doing this?_

It was hot and stuffy.

_What was he doing?_

It wasn’t funny. Seonghwa had no idea what was going on, but he was at the end of his patience. It was curious-

It was hot and Hongjoong’s shirt dipped dangerously low, showing off a collarbone. It was torture-

It was stuffy and Hongjoong’s hair was cropped short for once since his red hair, and how Seonghwa wanted to run his fingers down the nape of his neck-

Seonghwa gasped, snapping out of it, and snatched his hands back from Hongjoong’s, nursing them at his chest as if he’d been burned.

“Woah there,” Hongjoong chuckled, voice light with no bite to it. “I’m not going to jump you or something.”

Disappointing- 

Seonghwa shook the traitorous thought away.

“I-” Hongjoong paused, lips pursed -almost hesitant, reaching across his bed -and Seonghwa finally noticed what he’d probably been gesturing to earlier. “I wanted to give you these.”

In his hands were two very familiar stuffed animals. The long bunny from the hot sauce shop and the white cat from the mall. Seonghwa stared, willing his face to be calm. What were they doing here?

“Give them-” He murmured, speaking slowly as if he couldn’t even believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth. “To _me_?” As much as he tried, he couldn’t stop his voice from shaking.

Hongjoong looked back at him with another weird expression on his face. (What was it?) 

“Well yeah,” He placed them into Seonghwa’s arms, a slow smirk returning. “Do you see anyone else here?”

It was hot and it was stuffy and Seonghwa held the two plushies in his arms gingerly, as if he simultaneously found them to be precious treasures and yet also little traps that might all of a sudden jump and attack him.

Hongjoong just stood there, smirking at him. Eyes glinting. Teasing. Smug. Why?

It hurt so much.

(What was it?)

“But why?”

The words jumped out of Seonghwa’s mouth before he’d even realized he thought them.

(“How do you know all of this again?”

“Oh, I came back and climbed the tree next to the window.” San shrugged nonchalantly.

Wooyoung grinned. “Now moving on-”)

“But why?”

His voice came out stronger this time and a little hoarse. His mouth felt dry -he couldn’t even swallow. The air was thick -was it just him? Thick with something heavy and Seonghwa was suffocating.

It was curious, but he’d shut it away.

It was torture.

“Why?”

He lowered them to look at Hongjoong, searching his bright brown eyes for something -anything. Something that it seemed like both of them didn’t even know. Hongjoong only stared back hopelessly, eyes wide and lips parted as if he’d begun to say something but forgot.

_Why?_

It was too much.

“Why do you do this to me?”

“I-I thought you said stuffed animals were a love language-”

So it was a joke to him. Seonghwa would have laughed but instead his voice cracked -the heat was everywhere. He didn’t care. Push forward. Spit it out. It was impossible to even be friends from the very beginning. He should’ve known better. He wanted so badly to tear his heart straight out of his chest for all its traitorous flutters. It was too much.

“Why-” He surged forward, his voice stronger and louder until he was almost shouting -backing Hongjoong up against his bedframe. It had been a long time coming. “Why do you do this? Why do you play with my feelings?”

_When I like you this much?_

He couldn’t stop.

He pushed him down -a sound of protest trapped in Hongjoong’s throat, who looked up at him with the same wide, almost panicked eyes.

“Why?” His voice broke again. “Is this fun to you?” He grabbed Hongjoong’s shirt, pulling him up slightly, the plushies forgotten to the side. All his excuses finally broke down -and his vision was a little blurry. He blinked furiously. “Is it fun to give me your smiles and stuffed animals and give me hope just to watch me break?”

“N-no.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes were hot with tears as he blinked even more rapidly, refusing to let them get in the way. He stared down at Hongjoong protesting and Seonghwa was suffocating -wasn’t sure if the heavy breaths were coming from his chest or Hongjoong’s. He was tired. 

“No, I-”

Seonghwa cut him off.

“You-”

Was everyone else in on it? Like one of those middle school confession dares?

It hurt too much to think about.

He stared down at Hongjoong beneath him, and it was too much. Everything he’d pushed away so diligently -so desperately- in the past few months was bubbling back up to the surface, clawing and pushing as it fell out, threatening to drown him.

“Why do you do this?” He shook Hongjoong’s shirt weakly, hands fisted in the fabric, not knowing what else to do. “Why?” 

He searched Hongjoong’s eyes one final time, willing that for once, the other might finally be able to see how the walls he’d built up so carefully around his heart were shattered like glass -and had been for a while. And how it cut him, bleeding his heart like a finger on a rose thorn. How it was torture- 

(What was it?)

“Why, _when I like you so much_?” 

A hot tear slipped down the side of his cheek against Seonghwa’s will, wobbling as he grit his teeth, and down his chin to drop onto his hands on Hongjoong’s chest.

It wasn’t a joke to Seonghwa.

(What was it?).

He let go of Hongjoong’s shirt, hands helpless and empty.

He was still looking into Hongjoong’s eyes, as if pleading him. (For what?)

“ _When I like you so much_?”

If it was possible, his chest cracked even more the longer he looked down at Hongjoong, whose eyes were still wide as if in shock. His mouth was still parted, stammering, in a silent wobbly ‘o’ like a fish but Seonghwa didn’t have the heart -or anything really- to tell him.

It was over. Their weird, awkward friendship.

Seonghwa looked away, as if he could force the tears to stop.

It was all too hot again-

And it was stuffy-

It was over.

How was he going to explain to-?

And a hand was on his cheek, tugging him back.

“Hey, hey,” Hongjoong breathed a little too fast, hands wiping away Seonghwa’s tears. “Look at me.”

Seonghwa did.

It was the gentlest he’d ever seen Hongjoong, and something squeezed again in his chest.

It wasn’t fair.

He had to go-

“Hey,” Hongjoong pulled Seonghwa’s face down so they were barely a few inches apart. His cool breath wafted through the heat. “Please stop freaking out on me?”

He cupped Seonghwa’s face in his hands. Soft.

His hands were trembling.

(What was it?)

“I know I wasn’t good enough to you in the beginning,” He smoothed a shaky thumb over another tear, “But I promise I wanted to give them to you because I wanted to fix it.”

It was hot and it was curious-

Seonghwa was melting in his hands.

“I-” Hongjoong winced a little. “I was supposed to make this the perfect confession.” He chuckled helplessly. “I guess I royally fucked up, huh.”

(What was it?)

“Did they dare you to?” Seonghwa barely recognized his own voice, low and barely above a whisper.

“What, no!” Hongjoong shook Seonghwa’s face with his hands. “Haven’t you been listening? I wouldn’t go back to eat all those godawful hot chips for a dumbass dare -I almost died!”

Seonghwa looked into his eyes again -really, the last time, he was out of there if it was a joke- searching for something, and Hongjoong stared back at him unblinking, no longer shaky. And for the first time, Seonghwa saw what he couldn’t pinpoint before -it was warm. Earnest. Hongjoong’s eyes were bright and sharp, but also warm and determined.

It didn’t make any sense.

“ _You_ did the challenge?” Seonghwa choked out. “But you can’t take spices-”

His head was spinning. 

_Why would he-?_

It was hot and-

It was curious.

He couldn’t swallow it away.

And Hongjoong was looking up at him, smiling softly.

“Well, I did bring Yunho just in case,” he admitted sheepishly. “And I was in the most pain of my life for the two days after minus breaking my arm once in middle school, but I did finish it, yeah.”

He peered up at Seonghwa, eyes sparkling dangerously.

“So, did it work?”

* * * * *

(“And then???” 

“And then I fell out of the tree, dude,” San pouted. “There was a fucking squirrel-”

Yeosang laughed mercilessly. “Luckily enough, I already tapped his room.”

Five heads snapped to look at him.

“Or maybe, I was listening by the door,” He grinned. “Up to your imagination.”)

* * * * *

A loud noise came from outside the window.

Neither of them noticed.

Nothing came out of Seonghwa’s mouth.

As much as he tried opening and closing his mouth, similarly, no two thoughts seemed coherent in his mind.

It was hot and his cheeks were wet, and his eyes felt just a little puffy.

It was curious-

Seonghwa collapsed instead on top of Hongjoong, ignoring the various sounds of protest from beneath him, burying his face in the pillow next to Hongjoong’s ear, arms caged around his pretty white hair.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to evaporate into the hot summer air, to drift out of the very room through the window out under the sun, or to melt straight to oblivion right there in Hongjoong’s bed sheets. Not scenarios he’d ever imagined or normally daydreamed of in relation to Hongjoong’s bed, but this was beyond anything he’d even allowed himself to hope for.

Could it even be real?

It was so, so hot, and the pillow his face was buried in was so, so soft.

It had been a long time coming.

(What was it?)

Seonghwa couldn’t bring himself to look Hongjoong in the eyes.

Tentatively, a small arm snaked its way onto his back.

“So, um-”

A finger tapped his back hesitantly.

“When are you going to let me breathe?”

Hongjoong’s breath was hot against Seonghwa’s ear and his voice muffled there against his shoulder -and wow, he was warm- but he made no moves to throw Seonghwa off though he easily could.

“Um, oh, and your answer please-”

Groaning, Seonghwa rolled off to the side.

“I absolutely can’t believe you, you-” He still refused to look at Hongjoong, back facing the other, staring accusingly at the wall. “All you did was _tease me_ \- I thought- There was no way-” It seemed like the heat would never leave his face. His ears were burning. He sputtered. “Y-you. You didn’t even want to be _friends_ with me in the beginning, I-”

His traitorous heartbeat was back again, pounding in his ears -deafening. “I-I gave up a long time ago, but you just-”

His breath caught uncomfortably in his throat, hurt and hope thick on his tongue.

(So that’s what it was.)

“You were just so _you_ , so pretty and strong and cool and I just wanted to be with you so bad-” At this point Seonghwa was just choking out a year’s worth of words he could never say. “But it was _impossible_ , so I took _anything_ , anything you gave me. I thought it would be enough, more than I expected even, to be friends.”

A hand was back on his back, slowly rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder. It tingled and Seonghwa couldn’t help but shiver.

“But then you just had to be so _nice_ to me out of nowhere, and I just wanted you more-”

He finally flipped over, pinning Hongjoong down between his arms -marveling in the back of his mind the way that Hongjoong looked up at him, brown eyes soft and pink lips parted-

“And now you pull this?” He threaded a hand through the light silver hair, half caressing half pulling. Seonghwa didn’t know if he should laugh or be angry. “For real?”

But Hongjoong just smiled a lopsided smile back up at him, flashing an apologetic grin, his free hands tugging Seonghwa down to him.

(So that’s what it was.)

* * * * *

(“The end!”

The room erupted into muffled protest.

“What? That can’t be it-” Jongho was leaning forward, about to fall out of his seat.

“Yeah, wait,” Mingi piped up, “Is that what we left for?”

Five disappointed eyes answered him, and Yunho shook his head fondly. “We established that already. Haven’t you been paying attention at all? Instead-”

They all turned to Yeosang.

“That can’t be the end, right?”

“Well,” he smirked, “Maybe not, but for our purposes, yes it was. And after that, everyone knows the story.”

They all remembered how they came back -in different groups than they’d left in, with Yeosang weirdly flushed and San covered in dust and leaves, but all the promised food acquired. They’d partied until late, leaving precious memories of summer. And when they woke-

“San found them first?” Jongho asked curiously.

Wooyoung nodded, and they all looked over to the couple still sleeping soundly in the corner of the living room, “Yeah, he woke up at literally the ass-crack of dawn for no good reason, and then got everyone else, but I guess it was worth being woken up.” He snickered -a bit demonic and a bit affectionate.

There was a little rustle as Seonghwa seemed to pull Hongjoong closer to his chest.

“Ugh, gross.” They all smiled regardless.

What was it?

A summer kiss-

A high school romance-

The newly invented love language of stuffed animals-

What was it?

The summer air was warm, and the light was soft as it drifted in through the drapes. 

And it seemed like both of them knew.)


End file.
